Author: Ruth Roberts

One of the most important skills I have as a lawyer – that of listening and being present – I learned from my ophthalmologist. He and his staff unwittingly made me acutely aware of how to create the illusion of unlimited time.

Some years ago I needed cataract surgery. Cataract surgery is a high volume business. When I went Hotel Dieu Hospital in Kingston, I was aware that I was one of many patients my doctor was going to be operating on that day. I was, frankly, expecting something impersonal and almost conveyor belt. I could not have been more wrong.

Every single person who dealt with me made me feel that, for the brief time of our interaction, I was the most important person in the world. I was encouraged to ask questions, I was given all of the information I needed, and I was treated with respect and kindness. Somehow, in the busy hospital, with other patients lined up behind me, I was given the gift of space, time to think, time to marshal my thoughts. And because I believed I had all the time I needed – paradoxically, I didn’t need much.

Stress takes a toll on our ability to process information. When we are stressed, we simply cannot contextualize what we are hearing. And a significant source of stress is feeling we are rushed, and pressured. At the times we most need to think clearly and decisively, our brains often shut down, and we cannot even formulate our questions, let alone understand the answers. That’s a problem – not only for us, but also for the people talking to us. That’s how misunderstandings arise, and it can take a great deal of time and effort to untangle those issues.

Creating space at the beginning of a conversation is smart. It’s smart time management, and it’s essential for meaningful communication. There is something magical about hearing the words: ‘take all the time you need.” When I was in hospital and heard those words, I felt something tight inside me loosen. I felt able to breathe, and to think. And when I say those words to my clients, I see those same sensations reflected in their faces and their body language. That’s when the solicitor – client relationship really begins, when we start to work together.

Law – particularly litigation law – can be chaotic. Lawyers are frequently trying to be in two places at once; there are many competing demands on our time. It is all too easy to lose sight of the fact that the foundation of our role is to listen. And we cannot do that properly when there is the static and noise surrounding us.

When I went through eye surgery, the process didn’t just improve my vision; it improved my understanding of what is really key in relationships. It is essential to create a place of calm and quiet, where even if only for a few moments, we really do have “all the time we need.” In that place we can hear and be heard, and have the gift of knowing that in those few moments, we really are the centre of the Universe.